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When should we tell the children?

Once you and your spouse have decided with certainty that you are going to separate or divorce, it’s time to start planning how you will tell your children. Although there may never be an ideal time, do your best to pick a day and time that provides your children with some space to process the…

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Young adults

Although your children are grown, don’t underestimate the impact your decision to divorce will have on them.  Many adult children view their family life and their parent’s marriage as a foundation for their own relationships and marriages. When parents split up, grown children may worry that if Mom and Dad didn’t make it, what chance…

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Teens

Teenage years are a time when children begin to move away from the family and establish themselves as independent young adults. As friends and social lives are the central focus for teens you may need to be more flexible regarding time arrangements between homes. Developmentally, teens have a tendency to be somewhat cynical about the…

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Pre-teens (10 to 12 years old)

In the pre-teen years, children literally view the world in all or nothing, right or wrong terms. They do not have the emotional maturity or skill to understand that both parents may have some responsibility for the marriage not being successful. For this reason, they are more likely to openly condemn one parent for their…

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School age children: 6 to 9 years old

Now that children have begun to establish a sense of “who they are,” their focus turns to building self-esteem. The development of special skills or talents becomes one way children start to feel good about themselves. Keep in mind your child’s relationship with the other parent is still a key factor in how they view…

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3 to 5 years old

During their pre-school years, children begin to develop ideas about who they are. The most important influences regarding that identity are Mom and Dad.  Additionally, relationships with parents also form the basis for future social skills and gender identity. Young children will often choose individual characteristics of parents as a way to define who they…

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Toddlers (18 months to 2 Years)

As children move into toddlerhood, they begin to view themselves as separate from their parents. While exploring their newfound independence, these young children will also experience a wide range of emotions but lack the ability to understand or manage their feelings. Be mindful that your toddler will primarily express their feelings with actions especially when…

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Infants

The primary developmental task for infants is to bond with Mom and Dad and gain a sense of security in the world around them. This occurs through regular consistent contact (for example, parents meeting their child’s needs through daily activities such as changing, feeding, holding, interacting etc.) When parents live apart, meeting this developmental need…

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How to listen to your children

Divorce and separation brings many challenges and changes to children’s lives. During this time, one of the most important skills you can possess is being a good listener. Give children your full attention when they are talking to youThis means turning off the television or stop putting away the groceries. Sit down and make eye-to-eye…

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Acceptance

While separation or divorce is a unique experience for each family, most find that after some time has passed, life eventually begins to feel more “normal.” When this happens, you may discover that life no longer feels like an emotional rollercoaster and that transitions between homes become smoother. How and when families reach the stage…

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